ADHD, Aphantasia, and the Art of Asking: Finding Balance in a Busy Mind

Robin:
Hello and welcome to another episode of Aphantasia Experiments. I'm so excited to be recording this episode. It has been way too long and honestly, I've missed it so much. It's crazy. I I was talking to the university the other day, and I was saying, life's so crazy. I need to drop something, and I don't know what to drop. I don't know what to do. I don't, like, I don't know how to make space for stuff.

Robin:
I really want a podcast, but I have no idea how to make that happen. Like, send me a sign send me a sign that I should be podcasting still, like, it it that that it even makes sense to do that, you know? Like, why am I even doing this, you know? People have podcasts because they have their own, like, small business where they're trying to promote something or whatever. I'm just doing this because I wanna, like, learn and grow and meet other interesting people and, like, I don't really have a reason to do it, other than I enjoy it, you know? It's not bringing me any money. I'm not selling ads. I don't, you know so I work full time and do this. Is it worth it? And the answer is yes. It's worth it. A) because I love it.

Robin:
I'm passionate about it. Every time I do this, I feel like I feel better, like, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest when I talk for 20 minutes on here. It's it's wild how therapeutic it is. But also, in the last week, I have gotten so many emails from people saying, I love your podcast. You're just like me. Thank you for, like, talking in a way that I understand. I've learned so much about my brain and and you're just like me. Like, I feel like such a scattered mess sometimes, so for people to reach out and be like, you know, I'm just like you, it makes me feel like less of a mess and more like I'm part of something bigger, and I think if if you're listening to this or you've listened to any of my podcast episodes and you ever feel like that, just know that I'm I'm getting emails from people all over, that are sharing, like, similar experiences and similar minds, so you're not alone and, yeah, and that was the point.

Robin:
I think that's the point of this podcast and maybe instead of, like, trying to make money off of the podcast, eventually, when I have the right brain capacity for it, I will just connect us all in a community, you know, where we can all support each other and all talk about, you know, aphantasia, but also talk about how we're growing and learning and whatever. What's new in our lives? I don't know. So, anyways, I just wanted to say a story, it's been a long time, and I also want to acknowledge all the podcast supporters who have reached out and encouraged me. It really means a lot and I haven't responded to anyone because I am drowning and I mean that like I'm underwater already, but it's not because I don't appreciate it so much. And one day, I will respond, and it'll be like the best response ever. Just I want everyone to know, I appreciate you and you're part of the reason that I am doing this. I mean, it's a major part of the reason. Okay.

Robin:
So what do I wanna talk about today? Going back to, like, asking the universe, like, should I keep going with this podcast? You know, that is, like, my own prayer. So when I say I talk to the universe, I'm always, like, I'm openly I openly have a dialogue going with my life. So if things aren't going a certain way, if if I'm, you know, if I'm frustrated with my husband or whatever, I will have an open conversation in the shower with myself, you know. I want this out of my relationship, or I want this out of my career. I want or show, like, show me a better way forward in life, you know. But having an active conversation with my life, with, you know, God or the universe or whatever, your higher power, but it's an active conversation I'm having, out loud or in my head. It's usually just in my head, but it's it's it's active and it's it's a conversation that's motivating me to push forward, you know, like a positive. It's like a prayer.

Robin:
Right? So, I feel like there's so much power in prayer, and it doesn't have to be religious. It doesn't have it's just the power of asking. Listening. We actually have to listen. So I prayed about the podcast, and then I got the answer via email, you know, all these emails coming in. I'm listening to that. I also listen when I meditate. Because my life is so crazy right now, I have no space for meditation.

Robin:
I don't. I have no space for it. There's 0 space for it, but I'm waking up at 2 o'clock in the morning every night and it used to frustrate the hell out of me. And I started just listening to the universe. I've talked about this on the podcast before. I feel like I'm so connected and open at that time and so I use that time to listen. I listen to, you know, the swirling thoughts in my mind and I sometimes I'll write them down. Sometimes in the middle of the night, like, a to do list will come into my head and all I have to do is like write them down and and then I can get to the good stuff, like the intuitive knowledge that's important, but that's the listening.

Robin:
So it's like combining prayer and meditation is so valuable. And when you're so deep in the weeds, which is what I am right now, sometimes you forget that and sometimes you lose that. You don't see things and you forget. So if you're listening to this and you're in a mode where you've forgotten, don't forget to pray and don't forget to try to meditate. Just try to make some space for the meditation. Meditation can be you showering. Right? Another thing I asked for recently, so I my my health hasn't been that great. It's probably because of stress, work stress, whatnot.

Robin:
But I've lost a lot of weight, and I'm just I haven't been feeling great. And my doctor is kind of not she's just she doesn't go above and beyond, but she will run any test I ask of her. So if I went in there thinking I had bladder cancer, she would go and send me for whatever test, even if I had no symptoms just because I said so. Like, so she will do whatever I want, but also she doesn't really, like, dig for stuff. So I was really wanting to see my natural pet, but she had moved away. And, I was like, well, maybe it was the off chance she would be doing virtual meetings. This is she was like the most sought after nat naturopath ever. She was on, like, TV shows.

Robin:
She's just the most incredible woman. She's so personable, like, just she probably has a 5 year wait list, you know. And so I found her website, haven't seen her in, like, 7 years, and I had her email from 7 years ago, and I emailed her and I just said, I don't know if you remember me, but we have the same birthday, because we have the exact same birthday, and, I said a couple sentences and I told her about the health problems I've had, and she wrote me back, the next day, and it was the most amazing email, like you how dare you, you know, question your memorable status. Like, yeah, you're super memorable, and you're one of my favorite clients and blah blah blah blah. And, of course, I will move my schedule around to fit you in, and I got an appointment within a day. I don't know if that would have happened if I didn't ask the universe for that. You know? Like, if I hadn't openly said, like, bring her to me, like, this is what I want or, like, give me the the best path forward. Like, I think she is the best path for me.

Robin:
She's the person who could help me, get better. And I told her, I was like, I feel like you're an angel, like, you truly, like, you're my magic wand sent from from heaven, you know, and and, and it was a reminder, because I am in the weeds right now, that you the universe has my back, you know, like, asking you have to ask though. Yeah. I have to ask for things. I have to ask openly for things, and and this goes for my listeners. If you are stuck right now, what is one thing that you can do? What would what is one thing that you could ask for that would make it better? And ask for that thing out loud. Say it out loud, sing it in the shower, say it in your head, say it 3 times, you know, there's a whole thing about the number 3 and repeating things 3 times. Why not just try it? Try saying it 3 times, see what happens, and then, why don't you listen and see what comes in? You know, maybe you want apples, but you actually the universe is saying you probably should try pears because there's more vitamins and the skin is better for your gums.

Robin:
I don't know. Who knows? I don't know if pears have better vitamins so please don't, like, think I'm a nutritionist. I just made that up on the spot and gums, like, really? I think maybe pears, if they're soft, it would probably be easier on your gums. Maybe that's where my brain went. But anyways, the whole point is you might think you want something, but the universe is, like, actually, this is better for you, but you have to listen to my explanation. So, like, meditating, but also just being open and, like, seeing the what the universe is throwing at you. Like, sometimes things are right in your face and you don't know it. You know? I feel like there's a parable or something about, like, I asked God to save me from something and he they send a boat and they sent all these things and then he ended up dying.

Robin:
The guy was like, well, God sent you all these things. He thought actual God was gonna come and save him, but it was they saved him with all the other things that were sent. Like, you have to actually, like, realize the help that's out there for you or, like, the the existence of stuff that you might not know about. You know? You know, you might want want the iPhone 13, but maybe the Google Pixel's better for you. You know? Like, those kind of things. So the universe will help and guide you, but you have to actually play an active role and listen. Also okay. Well, the other thing I wanna talk about, aphantasia and ADHD.

Robin:
So if you're listening to this, you probably have aphantasia. Maybe not. I don't know. But I have ADHD too, and I feel like it contributes to depression a bit. I feel so I I never thought of this before. I never linked it before, and I saw something It was like a clip from Trevor Trevor Noah talking about how his ADHD is linked or his depression depression is linked to his ADHD, and I was like, Because I can get dark. I can get down. I can get depressed, I guess.

Robin:
I I would never say I'm a depressed person or I have depression or whatever, but I do feel like I can get dark sometimes and that is because I feel I have so much potential and so many ideas and I know I'll never get to most of them. I know I'll never develop that app or, you know, write that book. I will write the book. I have, like, 3 or 4 books on the go I gotta finish, but I'll finish at least one book before I die. But, you know, all the things that I have in my brain that I'll never get to, it's depressing. But, yeah, letting go of those ideas sometimes is actually therapeutic saying, like, thank you for the this wonderful idea. But I don't know how to develop an app, so please send this idea to the next person. That can be almost therapeutic to to know that, okay, this idea, it's a great idea.

Robin:
I can't accomplish it. So, you know, someone else might and send it out into the universe and you know what? It works. That's big magic, baby. It's big magic. Elizabeth Gilbert. Read that book. So I feel like if we're gonna talk about aphantasia, I don't know if other people here feel like this, but I feel like when people talk about aphantasia, it sounds like people with aphantasia aren't creative and I'm like the most creative person ever like aphantasia is your lack of imagination, but I am I have a crazy imagination. No, I'm not like picturing stuff or like drawing things in my head, but I could think of a screenplay about a squirrel and a pirate battling a bowl on top of a purple pillow.

Robin:
I'm just seeing different things in my my viewpoint right now. I I literally can make a screenplay about that, and it it would probably win an Oscar, but I won't. I say that. I say that, and I won't actually do it. So I shouldn't actually say that because if I don't actually do it, then there's no proof that I'm capable of doing that. But the point is I have really good creative ideas, and, it comes very, very naturally to me. Like, for work, I have to come up with campaign ideas and it's so easy, like, it's just like, boom. How do we solve this problem? Boom, like, it's so easy.

Robin:
But little things like remembering a 4 digit code to get into, a storage facility is really hard for me. I my working memory is garbage. It is garbage. I walk into a room, and I forget what I'm doing literally 40 times a day. I always go to my laundry room, and I stand there, and I go, what could I possibly need here? There's a fridge. There's laundry. There's freezer, like what? Why did I come down here? And then I will like actually have to go back upstairs to where I was. It's often like I was on my phone and there's a press I open and it says something and that will trigger something like I my working memory is so bad.

Robin:
It's so bad. But also, like, doing these podcasts or, like, sending a voice note over, I'll also I'll be talking and I'll suddenly be, like, I have absolutely zero idea what I was just talking about. Like, right now, I'm, like, I think I was talking about aphantasia, and then I got into working memory, but where was I going back with that? Not sure. Anyways, the ADHD causes, like, overwhelm, like, because of all the ideas. I just feel it can feel paralyzing sometimes. And then I get into these zones where like I this is where it's like, okay, maybe this is depression where you can't, like, get out of bed or I haven't been like that in a while, but I feel like I can't I have so many ideas and so many things coming in that I I almost, like, wanna just, like, completely shut down and go beep boop bop, like revert, revert, turn down system failure, restart, restart, you know, because everything is so jam jumbled together, jumbled together that I can't get a clear, clear thought or clear anything. It's hard, man. It's hard.

Robin:
So it's overwhelming, but I always have to remind myself because I get into it so deep, the things that do help. So I'm gonna remind you guys all. You guys all? You all? You all guys? You guys? You guys all? Why does that sound so weird? You guys all. You guys all? Sounds like a like a a Windex. Legisal? Legisal removes 90% of germs and bacteria. K. Damn it. Brain fart again.

Robin:
Legisal. Why did I have to do that? Okay. What I was going to say, I think, I'm not sure, were, like, the things that help me when I'm struggling with my ADHD exhaustion and depression, I guess, and, like, my creative overwhelm, I ask. I ask for help. I ask my friends for help. I, like, tell my friends. My friends are pretty good at, like, knowing because I I I'm I'm a voice noter, and then I will just completely fall off the place of the earth, and I think they know that that's, like, when I'm feeling overwhelmed. So then they, like, lay down on the voice notes a bit, but they always check-in, and I'm I they know at this point.

Robin:
I'm just like, I just can't do it right now. Can't talk. But, like, asking saying, like, like, asking the universe. Hey. Like, life's overwhelming right now. Can you give me a break? Can you, you know, make this easier or, make this opportunity happen? Whatever it is, but asking and then also listening and listening in different ways. Listen, by meditating. Meditating is so good.

Robin:
And I I'm, like, saying it and as I say it, I'm like, I don't do it nearly as enough. Like, my my body is forcing me to wake up at 2 o'clock in the morning just so I can meditate. I swear, because I need to though, but also like listening in the other ways, like don't ignore the signs, you know, Don't ignore the signs because there's sometimes they can be so obvious, but when you're so deep in, your brain with all your other crap, your ideas, your problems you have to solve, your thoughts, all this stuff, It's hard to actually see the it's hard to see and hear the the like, listen. It's hard to listen. That's what I was trying to say. Forgot the word listen. It happens. But yeah.

Robin:
So, like, making that space, and I might I saw words aren't forming in my mouth right now. I saw my naturopath yesterday, who is the one I love, and she sent me some stuff to work on for my sleep. And one of the things was, like, don't watch because my routine is, like, kids go to bed. My husband and I watch Netflix, And she's, like, don't watch TV for 2 or, like, don't look at a screen for 2 hours before bed. I'm, like, alright. Love you. All of your suggestions are amazing. That's not gonna happen because that's, like, the only time we watch TV that's, like, oh, you every night.

Robin:
We do it every night. It's so boring. But what I can do and what I encourage other people to do if you're in, like, a rut like that is find a creative project to do at the same time. So that's, like, my compromise. I love painting, and I haven't been painting. And I think that that's, like, painting is my own form of meditation too. So when I can't meditate, and yes, I know I could not watch 2 hours of TV with my husband and I could meditate instead, but that's my time with my husband. We sit on the couch, we snuggle together, we talk about the show, like that's our time.

Robin:
Can't go anywhere. We have 3 kids. Like, so I enjoy that time. But I also enjoy painting. So now I watch TV. Now I say I did this last night, but I used to do this all the time and I felt so much better. I felt so much clearer in my head because painting or crafting or sewing or knitting or whatever, it like it helps your brain because you're using a part of your brain to do that thing. It almost like empties the other shit out, so it's a it's a form of meditation.

Robin:
It's like art therapy, right? And so my naturopath totally has the right idea. I am thinking, like, I there's no way I can cut out 2 hours of TV, but it's not the actual TV that's the problem. It's the watching the screen. And when I'm when I'm doing art, I'm literally looking up every, like, minute or so. Like, I'm very enthralled into the art, but I'm also I don't know if it's because my brain is capable of doing this or if other people will be able to, but I'm fully enthralled in the show too. Like, I'm able to paint and pay attention. I obviously wouldn't be able to do subtitles, but I'm very, like I can do both. I actually feel like and my husband's always like, you can't pay attention to paint.

Robin:
I'm like, yeah, I can. Actually, it's better because if I don't paint, I'll fall asleep. Especially during the most interesting movies because interesting things make me fall asleep. I hate it. Every time I'm watching a really good movie, I'm like, damn it. What happened? But usually what happens is I dream about the ending and it's usually pretty good. So my my brain I I could probably write write the movies myself. So, yeah.

Robin:
The other thing that I always have to remind myself too is to, like, zoom out on my life. So, when things are, like, really crazy and whatever, instead of just, like, looking at it, like, oh my gosh, life is so hard right now. We're so busy. My kids are so busy with their sports and stuff. Like, every night we have something, and then work is crazy, whatever. To, like, be, like, okay, yes, this is crazy, but what is it? What happens when you zoom out of that? You know, life is not always gonna be this way, and it's a cycle. It's a period of time, and, like, sometimes the things that you're doing at the time where it's crazy are, like, planting the seeds to make life easier in the future. Right? So to, like, zoom out and see the bigger picture and see the people I'm helping with the work that I'm doing, that is that is major for me to zoom out that way.

Robin:
I've worked with women, and and I know that I'm making a difference, so that's big for me to just to zoom out to see, like, the impact that you're having as a whole. And, like, with the podcast too, like, zooming out there, like, oh, should I do the podcast? Should I not do podcast? I told myself when I started this podcast, if I reached out to one person and like connected with them and, helped them in any sort of way, that that was the reason. That's all it takes, and I've definitely done that. So I know, like, the big picture is there. The purpose is there, but the practice of Zooming out, I feel like it's like it's really cool, and I'm really good at doing it when I think about it, but I have to remind myself. So saying it I'm saying it out loud. I'm saying it to you guys, and also to practice. We had a wellness day at work the other day, and we had a a psychiatrist come in and she talked to us about the practice of like self talk.

Robin:
And I do that. I'm so bad at this. I'm like, I am the nicest person to everybody. I'm kind. I'm I'm supportive. I will lift you up. You know, I feel like that's part of my purpose in life is to help people see their potential and and see their worth and and feel good about themselves because I think that we're all are here for a reason, and we're all special and unique. You know? But when it comes to my own talk, when I talk to myself and my brain, which is interesting.

Robin:
I am not always the nicest. And so having to tell myself, like, okay, let's work on that. Let's, like, have a conversation with our own brains and tell, like, tell yourself how amazing you are. Like, sure you forgot to pick up rice at the grocery store, but man, you got ice cream, and that's way better. You know? I can turn any negative into a positive. I'm very good at doing that. I'm I'm and for some reason, I struggle doing it with myself. I feel like I'm a better friend to other people than I am to myself sometimes and, yeah, sometimes you have to take a moment and, like, be your own friend and take care of yourself a little bit.

Robin:
So I'm saying that because I've been in a period of, I don't wanna say depression because I don't think it's depression. It's just hard. It's been hard because our lives are so packed and I crave quiet and solitude. So, but, yeah, if I zoom out, everything's fine and everything's dandy, and it's just a period of life that will get easier, and I will also look back on and miss a lot of these these things that I think are stressful now, you know, or I think, are consuming now. Those things will be missed. Just like, you know, you have a newborn baby and you're up every night, and then they're 5 years old, and you're like, where did my baby go? And what you complained about those holding that baby in the middle of the night for so long, but then you're like, oh, man. I wish I had my baby back. It's the same thing.

Robin:
Right? Anyways, this podcast was all over the place. I'm sorry about that. It's been a while. I'm I am unpracticed. Unpracticed? Un unpracticed? Un unpracticed. What does that mean? Unpracticed? Untrained? Untrained. Is that better? What's the word for this? I don't know. Unpraxtist.

Robin:
Okay. Anyways, I wanted to take a moment and just really thank everyone who's reached out to me, and to all the listeners, even if you haven't reached out, you're listening and sharing the podcast. I love you guys. I feel the love. I'm sorry I haven't responded to the emails, but just know that like, when you take the time out of your day to, like, reach out and tell someone that what you've said inspired them or, you know, that you're just like them or whatever, whatever it is, it is felt on a heart level. I feel it. I feel that and I appreciate it and, you know, if you listen to another podcast and you love it, reach out to them too. I feel like everyone deserves more love in their lives and, I can't thank you enough for taking the time.

Robin:
If you wanna reach out still, just know I will try my best to to get back to everyone but I'm very behind But I read every one, and I feel them all, and I love every one of you. My email address is rofocreative@gmail.com. That's rofocreative, like the word, creativ atgmail.com. Please email me. I love, love, love, love getting emails and check out my website aphantasiaexperiments.com. A lot of random stuff on there. I haven't been on in a while. I do have tarot readings that you can purchase, but I might actually take that down because I don't have a lot of time for that, and I only do a couple of months, so it's not really worth it.

Robin:
Again, and I have this podcast. It's not about making money. It's about connecting people and like learning about our brains and how we're all so unique and different and like learning about, yeah, I don't know. Learning about Aphantasia has made me dive deep into so many weird things like consciousness and near death experiences. And I just it's more than just not being able to visualize. It's like, where does the visuals come from? And why do why does the brain filter things in different ways for different people? Anyways, I am all over the place here, but, I want to try to make consistency more a thing on the podcast, but I probably won't. So you might only hear from me in 3 months. I apologize for that.

Robin:
But if you keep emailing me, it'll motivate me to keep podcasting. So send me an email, you know. If you're struggling with stress or burnout or you feel stuck, just try to take a moment and ask the universe or ask your partner or ask your friends and try to zoom out. The answers might already be there for you. I invite you to share your thoughts or share similar experiences with me. Love to keep the conversation going, even if I don't respond for 6 months. I'm sorry. Thanks so much for listening.

Robin:
Have a great day, and I missed you guys.