Aphantasia Odyssey: Navigating Dreams, Consciousness, Alzheimer's, and Embracing Grief and Death

Robin [00:00:01]:
Hello, and welcome to another episode of Aphantasia Experiments. I have been away for a bit. I actually recorded a podcast not too long ago, but I took it down. I think I took it down, because the sound quality was so awful. But I have my headphones back now. And so I've decided I'm gonna start making podcasts as I drive again, so it's going back to that kind of quality because I am driving a lot now, and I feel like it's a great time to podcast because a lot of thoughts flow into my mind, and, yeah, I have a lot of alone time to process and and talk, so I thought I would start podcasting my car again. So I have so many things to talk about today. I think last of so the last podcast I did, I was about to go to Vegas, and I was saying how often when I travel, mystical, magical things happen or major life changes will happen in my life after.

Robin [00:01:09]:
I'm not sure why that happens. I I don't know if traveling is like a portal into a different life course. I don't know. But, I was thinking about this before. My husband surprised me for a trip to Vegas, and so we went to Vegas. And the magical thing that happened on my trip was we went to see a show called paranormal something or other, and the guy I'll put it in the show notes. We he stayed and talked with us after and told us, well, first of all sorry. I'm going on a tangent here.

Robin [00:01:53]:
First of all this guy put on this amazing show where he could read people's minds and hypnotize people on stage. And just the stuff he was doing was just so miraculous, and it made it made me, like it validated the fact that I I believe that consciousness doesn't isn't your brain. It's, like, lives inside of your brain. It's filtered by your brain, but your brain actually isn't Like, you don't need your brain to access your consciousness, basically. So he was able to tap into, like, a one consciousness. Similar to, like, how swallows, like, birds can fly together in a group. They're accessing, like, this one consciousness. All of these humans can do this as well.

Robin [00:02:35]:
Anyway, so this guy puts on this amazing performance. He's talking about how, you know, he likes to lift people's lift people's vibes and, like, performing lifts his vibe and blah blah blah. All that vibes and good times and spreading love and blah blah. And he says, after the show, I'm happy to, like, do a meet and greet with everybody. I'm not making people pay. Like, he was just, like, a genuine dude. And so after the show, everyone lined up and said hi to him. And of course I have these questions about how my mind works and if you can hypnotize me because it's been something I've been thinking about for a while.

Robin [00:03:10]:
Can you be hypnotized, with aphantasia? And can he read my mind with aphantasia? Because I the way I'm thinking about something is going to look different to him than the way someone who's neurotypical might look to him. Does that make sense? So I I told him I'm like I have aphantasia. I can't visualize in my mind. I also can't like hear in my mind. So are you able to read my mind? He's, like, I don't know. Let's try it. So he said think of a number between 1 and a 100, I think. I think that's what he said.

Robin [00:03:45]:
And I chose the number 17. I had thought of that number before even, like, getting in line because I knew he was gonna ask me and I didn't want to be influenced by anything. So 17 was my birthday number it was actually 17th that day so 17 is the number I chose. And he stood there for maybe like 20 seconds looking deep into my eyes mind his eyes were very interesting. He had very dark brown eyes and his pupils seemed really wide. I felt like he was like my son who has epilepsy and he also has like some psychic abilities sometimes. His pupils can get really wide sometimes and I'm always like why are your pupils so wide? What is that? Anyway so maybe it's accessing something else or like I don't really know. I don't know.

Robin [00:04:29]:
I'm just speculating here. So he looks into my eyes and I'm noticing his eyes. I'm not even like really thinking about the number, but I have the number 17 in my head. And he goes, 17. And I go, yeah. And he goes, it was really because normally I know it right away, but you took longer. It was hard definitely harder to read your mind than other people's. But holy crap there's a giant goose like flying over me right now.

Robin [00:04:56]:
That was cool. But he said I didn't know if it was 17 or 71. And which is interesting because in my head, I'm not visually thinking of the numbers. So it I'm I'm basically thinking 1717, saying it kind of with my my own inner monologue, inner voice. So the fact that he would, like, see it as 17 or 71, I find that just baffles and blows my mind. It doesn't make sense to me. So interesting. Anyway, so we had this quick encounter with this guy, and I was so interested.

Robin [00:05:29]:
And my husband's really interested too because he's never really heard anyone talk about aphantasia, with, like, he's never heard me talk about it with someone else, and we got deep into the deep into talking about the mind. And my husband who also has aphantasia didn't really realize how rare it is and how unique it is, and so this guy was talking to me about it and, like, wanting to know more about my brain. And then my husband was, like, Ritu, I have it. Like, and it made him, I think, think more about our minds and and the uniqueness that we all have different unique characteristics and functions of our brain. Anyways, so after we leave this guy, we're walking away mind my husband's like we're we're both like, he was so interesting, blah blah blah. He's like, should we, like, go back? Like, yes. Because he knew I I he knew I had more questions. And my husband's normally like, oh, let's let's move on.

Robin [00:06:25]:
Let's go. But I think he was just, like, super intrigued too. So we went back and talked to him for a while and I had so many questions. I wish I remembered all the conversation we had, but he told me about how to develop his tricks. And by tricks, I mean like the things that he does. It's a trick because we don't understand how how he does it. Right? But he's doing it. So he told me that to develop these basically mind fuckers, he would lucid dream.

Robin [00:07:00]:
He taught himself how to lucid dream, and he developed these concepts in his mind before bringing them into the world. So he would have these lucid dreams where he would create these things, these ideas, and these tricks, and he would flush them out in his mind before, you know, doing it in real life. And that's how he he developed all this stuff, which is very similar to Nikola Tesla mind how he describes, like, how he became an inventor and how he invented all these things was he would create them in his mind. And for me, I I can't visualize. Right? So I can't visualize a concept, but I can dream, and I believe that I can get better at lucid dreaming. I lucid dream fairly often mind I think that with training I could be better at it. So if you have any tips or tricks for me to develop my lucid dreaming ability, please email me at rofocreativegmail.com. And going into that goes into my next topic.

Robin [00:07:59]:
I recently had another dream that was similar to a dream I had in Cuba where I was kind of taken to different situations. I I like to describe it as, mind of like A Christmas Carol where where Scrooge was taken to different moments in time, like past, present, future, and kind of seeing how things would play out. So my guides, and I say guides because I believe it's more than 1, and I can't put a picture or face to my guide. It's like a giant it's like a big entity. I don't know how to explain it other than that. I I like in the dream, I always know that I'm being guided by this kind of like force, but I don't really I wake up not knowing at all what they look like. So in this dream I was explained what death is like, and then I was also explained what happens to Alzheimer's and dementia patients, like, spiritually. So I'm gonna try to go through this.

Robin [00:09:05]:
The first thing like, the scenario I was brought to was a scene that played out in real life for me. It was my my grandma, my only, she had Alzheimer's, dementia. She had suffered a stroke or something that landed her in the hospital, and before she was moved to long term care, she was in the hospital for a bit. And I went to visit her with my ex boyfriend at the time, and she lit up at him. She was so excited to see him more than me. It was like I think that she called him Ernie, like, my my my grandfather's name or something. Like, I'm pretty sure she called him Ernie. Like, she was excited because she thought that he was someone else that she knew.

Robin [00:09:47]:
She it wasn't my boyfriend to her. It was someone else from her earlier earlier stage in her life. Okay. So I was flashed to this, and then I was flashed to, oh my gosh, a bunch of other scenes, mind I was told that, dying is like lucid dreaming, except for, I shouldn't say except for. It's like lucid dreaming mind the fact that you know you have control over where you are in the dream, like, in the space. So when you die, your consciousness is able to be anywhere in any place at any time mind you have complete control over that mind there is no space and time. So, for example, I've had many dreams that are multilayered. I'm able to experience multiple things at once.

Robin [00:10:46]:
It's similar to a near death experience. And I think that I've been shown this in dreams to show that after we die we're not only like, oh you you have you spiritually visited, you know, your brother, you can also visit your sister at the same time, your uncle, and you can also, like, visit a moment in time from your childhood to experience that and learn the lesson that you lived, like, that you learned in that moment. There is no space and time, and you're able to live multiple things at once. And just by setting the intention, you're able to go somewhere or be somewhere. So this was showed to me shown in my dream through various different things, but what was also shown to me was that during, when we get older and we die, what happens often now is we go through this stage of not being our full coherent self, right? So many people, die from Alzheimer's and dementia. It is it is rampant, okay? And and we don't fully understand what's going on. And what what was shown to me by my guys was that, spiritually what's happening is, the person with Alzheimer's or dementia is kind of their consciousness is not in their body fully anymore. It is crossing over.

Robin [00:12:14]:
And so often they'll see people in their die in their life, Like, for example, when my ex saw my my or so my my grandma saw my ex boyfriend, she thought he was someone else because when they're on the other side, that soul can be various different people. So maybe she was seeing his soul, you know, maybe my ex boyfriend would have the soul of my grandfather. I don't know. I think that souls can can come back as different people throughout your lifetime. So, in this dream, it showed me that they're kind of half in and half out. And so it it's you feel so bad and you feel terrible that these people, like, don't have their brain, whatever. But their actual consciousness is happy and on the other side and just, like, ready to give up, like, to leave this body behind. But, you know, it takes time to for the consciousness to kind of like fully go over.

Robin [00:13:16]:
It's just a slow progress mind that's basically what Alzheimer's is mind dementia is, like, the slow progress of your consciousness moving over. That can happen instantly, you know. You can die in your sleep of old age and not have any of this, like, slow progression. It's part of our journeys here on earth, and it's part of, like, the people who who care for us this journey to, like, to watch that happen and to understand. And I don't think that after I woke up from this dream, I I was, like, we don't understand Alzheimer's at all. Like, we don't get it at all, and we're we we don't support the patients the way that they actually need it. They may need more spiritual support and help, understanding what's going on. Their bodies it's almost like their bodies need, I don't want to say like help crossing over, but maybe it's like the spiritually helping their spirit fully commit to that and go because honestly a lot of patients with Alzheimer's and dementia, they will live a long time in that state mind and they're ready to to move on.

Robin [00:14:30]:
Anyways I don't know where that will lead, but it really helped me better understand, what kind of happens to people in that late stage of life. And I feel like, you know, I I feel like I'm doomed mind I don't even wanna say doomed but I feel like I'm bound to have, something caught like cognitive delay, cognitive, something happen to me when I'm, you know, older mind I'm sure my mom will have it too mind I feel like I want to, like, write it in my will to or write it in my, or say it out loud on this podcast so people know once I go through that. Like, I want you to I want the people who care for me to, you know, go along with the visions I have. Go along and say, Yes, I'm your your boyfriend from high school even though I'm actually your second cousin Trevor, you know, I don't have a cousin Trevor mind that'd be weird, but like go along with those visions. Just like go along with it and and support I think it's more about support than like trying to convince, you know, an Alzheimer's patient what reality is actually is because I think to them reality looks a lot different. And it's not because they've lost their mind. It's because their consciousness has escaped their mind and is ready to move on to the part of their journey that doesn't involve this body, you know, that involves going, seeping out of their their brain into the one consciousness. So that was my dream.

Robin [00:16:08]:
I thought that was really captivating and interesting and, it made me one of the things that I'm really hyper focused on, and I have ADHD, like, I get really hyper focused on stuff. I love learning about near death experiences, out of body experiences, dream experiences, all different types of things. Right? But one thing with my work, I deal with people that have recently lost loved ones mind I and I have been learning a lot about death and dying mind you know the process that happens after mind grief and all this stuff, but also just about palliative care in general. Mind, it's something that I'm really hyper focused on How we deal with grief grief, and how it should be something that we start thinking about before we even lose someone, and how we we need to process that differently. And I also just think about how we don't have the proper, systems in place to deal with all the palliative care problem, like, all the, all the people who are gonna die in the next 30 years, you know. A lot of people are gonna die, and a lot of people are gonna have Alzheimer's and dementia, and we're not really gonna know how to deal with it. I think that we need to figure out a different approach and also improve palliative care across, like, globally. It's something that I'm really passionate about right now.

Robin [00:17:48]:
I don't know where that's gonna leave lead, but I'm leaning into learning more about, a, grief support before and after losing someone, like, during that process of of watching someone you love go through, you know, a life altering, disease that isn't fully understood. I'm not just talking about Alzheimer's, like anytime someone gets diagnosed with a sickness, they can alter their life completely mind I don't think that we fully know how to support or guide people that are going through stuff like that. Anyway, so that's something I'm learning about right now. I've been learning, reading a lot of books about death particularly mind medical interventions and stuff that that help us stay alive longer, but also contribute to a lot of like mental health issues mind, yeah, learning about what dying with dignity means to myself and to other people. And, yeah, just learning as much as I can about this subject because I think that it's something that people are scared to talk about. And I think that if we fully understood what happens to us when we die, it wouldn't be as scary as you think, you know. If we actually approach death as a continuation of our journey, then we can look as deaf at death as something not to be feared, but something to not look forward to, but understand that it's just part of our our journey and process. And as the people who lose our loved ones, as the people who are left behind, we can also look at that death as a continuation of something mind understand that their love and support is constantly here mind that they can access us through something similar to lucid dreaming.

Robin [00:19:53]:
They're able to, you know, be there for us whenever we call on them, just because all it takes is intention. And I think that part of that intention comes from us. And and and, you know, speaking out loud, your intention to connect with with your loved one that you've you've lost. Anyways, I think that if we approached death and dying in a way that wasn't so fear based, I think that our grief our grieving process would be a lot healthier. I think it could be it could look a lot different mind and we could continue continue to feel the love from people we have lost, instead of feeling like the rest of our life we have to live without that love. We can understand that it continues. And it can also often grow if we nurture it. So I don't know where that's gonna go, but it's something I'm passionate about right now.

Robin [00:21:03]:
I'm really researching and trying to understand and trying to figure out how could we make this this industry, this the grief the death and dying and grief industry, how can we change that? How can we better that? Anyways, I am at the cemetery now to to do some work. I hope the sound quality on this was okay. I realized my water bottle is dangling in the back. It's probably annoying, but I gotta go. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope there's something resonated with you. If not, I apologize, but come back. Next episode will, I promise, but maybe not.

Robin [00:21:38]:
Have a great day. Talk soon.